Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
