just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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