Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
