3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
