Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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