remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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