dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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