being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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