im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
