Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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