I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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