You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize