I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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