Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
