Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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