and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
