You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize