a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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