Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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