Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
