well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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