I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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