Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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