I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
