forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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