im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
