We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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