His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
