yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
