so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
