its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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