hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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