Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We named our party play list daddy issues
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
