Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
