Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
