I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
