Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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