I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
