Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
