my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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