Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
