He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
