I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
