I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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