i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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