Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
