Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
3 2 1 whiskey
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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