Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
