The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
