does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize