Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
