did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
