That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
