Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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