About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
