Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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