3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
