how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
