Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
