When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
