Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
