Moan for me like Helen Keller
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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