Someone shit on the floor
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
