im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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