he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont even know how to be here
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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