it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
