Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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